Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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