Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
