I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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