dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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