birth control should be required to get into college
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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