her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
