Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
