yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
