god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
