I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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