We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize