well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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