do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
