Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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