It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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