my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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