Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just found puke in my bra..
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
