I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
