you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
