the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize