Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
