YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
