he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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