Having a random hookup so left but love u
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
