apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
