I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
