Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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