in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Randomize
