Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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