she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
