He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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