the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Damn victory sex feels great
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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