gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
