I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
As shirtless as possible
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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