I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You need Xanax blowdarts
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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