Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
