So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
