Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
