You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
