so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
