The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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