I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize