mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
