One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize