and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I need a beard to bite.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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