I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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