Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
