Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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