It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
