Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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