Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
