I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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