the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
