I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
