Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
