Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
