How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
