Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
