she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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