kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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