im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
