i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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