porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
