Kiss
Puke
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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