I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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