we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
