On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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