Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
