She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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