I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
